Jokes News

Why didn’t the woman cross the road?

Because she didn’t have any balls!

Q: Why does Monica never miss going to church?

A: She can not pass up a chance to get on her knees.

Q: WHAT IS 68?

A: DO ME FIRST, THEN I OWE YOU ONE.

Dancer Isadora Duncan once suggested to Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw that eugenics indicated they should have a child together. “Think of it! With my body and your brains, what a wonder it would be,” she said.

Shaw replied, “Yes, but what if it had my body and your brains?”

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

Se came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.” After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry,” the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back.”

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.

After almost an hour, the man’s doctor came into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, “What the matter, Doc?” Haven’t you ever seen someone having his temperature taken before?”

After a pause, the doctor confessed with a suppressed laugh in his voice, “Well, no, I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation, anyway!”

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape
measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.

“Isn’t that just like an engineer, we’re looking for the height and he gives us the length!”