Jokes News

Many people know that Long John Silver had wooden leg.

The same number of people know he had a parrot.

Very few however, realize that he also had a woodpecker!

Mr Starr:

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?

Mr Clinton:

I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join — even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!

Mr Starr:

Did you smile?
Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?

Mr. Clinton:

That is it, you’ve gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I’ll start a war!
The public’s easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!

I saw a news report that said 90% of all accidents occur within 10 miles of home…So, I’ve decided to move.

I couldn’t decide whether to by a humidifier or a de-humidifier. So, I bought one of each and put them in the same room. I’m gonna just let them fight it out.

They built a freeway around my house. Now I have to drive 55 mph down my driveway.

I got a dog last week, and I named him Stae. Now, when I want him to come to me, it’s like “come here Stae, come here Stae…he’s so confused.

I saw this written on a bathroom wall. “I want to sleep with your mother”. Beneath it, someone had scrawled “Dad, you’re drunk…Go Home!”

Off the seventh tee, Doug sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer he discovered that it was an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton.

Doug called out to his friend, “Carl, I’ve got trouble down here!”

“Whats the matter?” Carl asked from the edge of the ravine.

“Bring me my wedge,” Doug shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight iron!”

When you have a disagreement with someone, you should remember the old adage to “walk a mile in his shoes.”

That will get you a mile away from him and you’ll have his shoes as a bonus…

What is an Australian Kiss?

It’s the same as a French kiss, but DOWN UNDER

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell”
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense”
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality”
Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Motivation”
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

“Boob’s Law”
You always find something in the last place you look.

“Law of Impossibility”
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal”
Whatever hits the fan will NOT be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor”
People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Iron Law of Distribution”
Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology”
There is always one more bug.

“Law of Drunkenness”
You can’t fall off the floor, but you can hold on to the grass and try not to fall of the edge of the world.