Jokes News

Q: Yesterday, scientists discovered a food that, when ingested by a woman, lowers her sex drive by as much as 95%.

A: …It’s called “Wedding Cake”.

God: And remember Moshe, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. It is cruel, Moshe

(Moses): Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.

G: No, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk.

M: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.

G: No, Moshe, what I’m saying is, don’t cook a calf in it’s mother’s milk!!!

M: Oh, Lord! Please don’t strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside….

G: Jesus Christ Moshe, do whatever the fuck you want!!! …….

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

“Great,” says the frog, “Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” said the psychic, “Next year — in biology class.”

Bill Clinton was in Kansas City for his Social Security gathering yesterday and afterward was at the Royals home opening game to throw out the first pitch. It seems that Major League Baseball has outlawed spitballs but slimeballs are still allowed.

Do you know why they make blonde jokes so short?

So that brunettes can understand them.

A mother goes to her gynocologist and complains about losing sensation during sex.

He asks her to lay up on the table so he can examine her. After a thorough examination, he tells her that he can’t find anything wrong other than her hole is too big.
Upset at her diagnosis, she curses at him and tells him he doesn’t know his job. She then storms out and seeks another oppinion.

The second gynocologist gives her the same answer. The third and forth, the same.

Finally, she decides to go home and see for herself. She lays a mirror on the floor and comletely undresses.
As she steps on to the mirror, her son walks in and asks her what she’s doing. Not expecting anyone home she gets surprised and says…….I’m umm, umm learning a new dance step.

The son, satisfied with her answer starts to walk away and pauses to say:

Just be careful you don’t fall into that hole.