Jokes News

If a gay couple and a lesbian couple are to take a trip to Asia who would get there first?

The lesbian, because they would get there lick-ity split while the gay guy would still be at home packing each others shit.

The other day I went into a public bathroom and next to me stood a man with no arms just standing in front of a urinal.
He then turned to me asked if I could help him by pulling his penis out for him.

At first I thought “hell no!”, but then I said, “He needs my help!”, so I pulled it out for him.

That’s when I noticed he had all kinds of bumps and cuts on it. I ran to wash my hands when he shouted, “don’t leave me like this”, so I put it back in.

I had to ask him what was wrong with him. That’s when he pulled his hands out of his shirt and said, “I don’t know but I aint touching it!”

My dad has a wonderful knack for buying terrible Christmas gifts. Last year he bought me a Chia Head. Now call me crazy, but I think that Christmas is a very inappropriate time for giving head!

your mama is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

The latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the Y2K office environment:

* Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

* Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

* Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

* CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

* Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

* Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

* Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

* 404 - Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: “Don’t bother asking him … he’s 404, man.”

* Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in: “We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in.”

* Ohno-second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

* Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in “This is , my … um … friend.”

* Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

* Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

* Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.