Jokes News

I recently had the honour of interviewing the Prime Minister of Britain. Here is than interview

PM: Could you please untie me? (coughs loudly)
Me: Perhaps later. What exactly is wrong with you?
PM: I think I’ve caught the flu from the president.
Me: So you’ve been kissing him again?
PM: No!
Me: So you’ve stopped kissing him then?
PM: No! Er I mean yes, I mean-…
Me: (interrupting) Is your relationship serious?
PM: No, I didn’t mean that?
Me: So when are you getting married?
PM: I don’t want to marry anyone-
Me: So you’ve been forced into it by your oppressing family! When did you plan to tell the world that you are gay?
PM: But I’m not gay!
Me: Well there’s only 1 gay man in this room.
PM: No there isn’t!
Me: Well how many of you are there?
PM: What?! No, I didn’t mean that!
Me: Thank you PM, I have all the information I need.
PM: No, wait… please wait… please…

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for the rake and can’t find it. He yells up to his wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She shakes her head and cups her hand behind her ear to show that she can’t hear him. So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.

She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch.

He runs upstairs and says, “What?”

She says, “I left tit behind the bush.”

Two cab drivers met. “Hey” asked one. “What’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”

“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”

David goes to a department store and sees a Thermos flask, he asks an assitant how it works.
“It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
So he buys one. Later on he goes to the training ground, and Mr. Ferguson asks him how his Thermos flask works,
“It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
“What have you got in it David??”
“Two cups of coffee and a chocolate ice cream.”

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

“I have to have a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.”

“Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”

“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

A boy was born blind and all he ever wanted was to be able to see. When he was about 8 yers old he told his mother of his wish.

“Well son, this is your lucky day. Today is the last day of March and if you pray REALLY hard all night long then God will answer your prayer.”

So that night the boy went to bed extra early and he prayed until he fell asleep. He awoke halfway through the night and started praying again.

The next morning when he woke up he called for his mother.

“What is it son?” she asked.

“I prayed all night long and I still can’t see!”

“APRIL FOOLS!!!!”

(Except the word ‘panties’ has been substituted.)

A tremor in the panties. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

You are unwise to lower your panties.

We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those panties, up or down.

She must have hidden the plans in her panties.

These panties may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.

I find your lack of panties disturbing.

These panties contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

Han will have those panties down. We’ve got to give him more time.

General Veers, prepare your panties for a surface assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my panties back home.

TK-421…Why aren’t you in your panties?

Lock the door…and hope they don’t have panties.

Governor Tarkin, I recognized your foul panties when I was brought on board.

You look strong enough to pull the panties off a Gundark.

Luke…help me take…these panties off.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your panties.

That blast came from those panties.

Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of panties more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you’d like it back in your panties, your Highness.

I cannot teach him. The boy has no panties.

You came in those panties? You’re braver than I thought.

The other day President Clinton paid Monica Lewinsky the nicest compliment…”My dear, you have the prettiest set of teeth I’ve come across.”