Jokes News

Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A.If we don’t get some support around here, everyone’s gonna think we’re nuts!

A man in an overcoat was about to board a plane when the stewardess asked to see his ticket. He opened his overcoat and flashed her.

“Sorry, Sir,” she smiled, “I’m checking your ticket…not your STUB.”

1) Clinton: We forgive you . . . Now Resign

2) Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat

3) Jail to the Chief

4) If his private life doesn’t matter, let him date your daughter.

5) Clinton: Our Nation’s Fondling Father

One day Hercules, Cinderella, and Quasimodo all met togather and decided to have a picnic.

Hercules stands and says, “I’m the strongest man in the world!”

Cinderella stands and says, “Well I’m the prettiest woman in the world!”

Quasimodo says, “I’m the ugliest in all the land!”

So they decided to go home that night and pray to the gods and ask if all of this was true, and said they would meet the next day.

Hercules arrives and says, “It’s true I am the strongest.”

Cinderella says, “I am the most beautiful woman!”

Quasimodo arrives, looking all confused and mad, he asks “Who the fuck is Linda Tripp?”

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, “Mom, am I a real polar bear?”

“Of course you are,” his mother replied.

The young polar bear asked his father, “Dad, am I a real polar bear?”

“Yes, you are a real polar bear,” replied his father.

A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?”

“Yes,” said his parents.

Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are all my relatives real polar bears?”

“Yes, they are all real polar bears,” said his parents.

“Why do you ask?” replied his mother.

“Because,” said the young polar bear, “I’m fucking freezing!”

A deaf couple had recently gotten married when a problem arose. At night, when the couple would go to bed the lights would go off and they couldn’t tell if the other partner wanted to have sex or not.

At breakfast one morning the woman made a suggestion, so she signed it using her hands: “At night, after we cut the lights off–if you want to have sex with me, squeeze my right breast once, and if you don’t want to, squeeze my left breast twice.”

The man replied, “Ok, sounds good. And if you want to have sex with me, tug on my penis once, and if you don’t, tug on it 56 times!”

Q: What did the left ball say to the right ball?

A: Don’t talk to the guy in the middle — he’s a dick

Little Johnny is usually late to school, although on this morning he was REAL LATE. Johnny asks his mom, “Ma can I ride the mule to school?” His mother replies, “OK, little Johnny, as long as you don’t ride the mule on any major roads. So what does little Johnny do? Of course he rides the mule on the interstate when suddenly a car veers of the road, hits the mule and kills him. Well, Little Johnny has to walk the rest of the way to school.

When Little Johnny arrives at school, of course, Little Johnny is very late and his teacher asks him, “Johnny! Why are you so late to school?”

Little Johnny replies, “Well my ass got run over.”

Johnny’s teacher shocked at what he said, replies, “Johnny! don’t say ass, say rectum.”

Little Johnny looks a little confused then says, “recked em hell, killed em.”