Jokes News

Why will there never be a woman president?

Because we would have a war once a month.

The following company has a little over 500 employees with these statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse

*7 have been arrested for fraud

*19 have been accused of writing bad checks

*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses

*3 have been arrested for assault

*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

*8 have been arrested for shoplifting

*21 are current defendants in lawsuits

In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving.

And can you believe that we elected these 535 members of our United States Congress to crank out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line?

You’re so stupid you stayed up all night studying for a blood test.

“Did God make you, Grandpa?”

“Yes, God made me” the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me, too?”

“Yes, He did,” the older man replied.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her little mind.

At last she spoke up. “You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job, lately, isn’t he?”

“Gimmy crack whore and I don’t care”

Two guys meet one day after not having seen each other for years. The first guy says, “Remember how I used to be deaf and couldn’t hear a thing? Well, I got a new hearing aid, and I can hear a leaf falling from a tree now. I can hear a bird’s wings when it flies.”

The second guy says, “That’s great! What kind is it?”

The first guy looks at his watch and says, “It’s 4:15.”