Jokes News

One night I was in this all-night diner and this is what I heard the guy in the next booth say to the waitress:

“No more decaf for me or I’ll be asleep all night.”

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked “If I understand, you’re saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar? “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class… and never returned.

However, as she was going out the door, the professor’s reply was classic… Totally straight-faced he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of the tongue and not in the back of the throat.”

Q: What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common?

A: They both have a slot that says insert bill here.

Did you know that for men, the less hair they have, then the more head they get?

While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices
something like a red rash around his you know what.

Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!” He makes an appointment to see his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day.

“Doc,” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, you know.
What is it and how do I get rid of it?”

The doctor says, “Well, I’m not exactly sure what it is, but take these pills for a week, and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we’ll try something else.”

Bill takes the pills for a week but unfortunately, the red ring is still there after 7 days. He goes back to the doctor and tells him the pills didn’t help. So the doctor prescribes another medication, capsules this time, and gives him the same instructions. Take them for a week, and come back if it’s not improved.”

He takes the capsules for a week, and damn, the red ring is still there! So he goes back to the doctor and asks, “What next?” The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time. “Rub this on every day for a week and let me know.”

Bill goes back in a week and says, “Great news, Doc! The rash is gone! That stuff in the tube was wonderful! What was it?”

The doctor replied, “Lipstick remover.”

Question: What is a 6.9

Answer: A 69 ruined by a period

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

Give her a shovel.

One morning a local highway department crew reached their job site and realized they had forgotten all their shovels.

The crew’s foreman radioed the office and told his supervisor of the situation.

The supervisor radioed back and said, “Don’t worry, we’ll send some shovels…just lean on each other until they arrive.