Jokes News

A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started, she announced that she had became pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.

“But, how will you know when our baby is born?” she asked. “Well,” he said. “After you’ve had the baby, just send me a post card and write ’sauerkraut’ on the back”.

Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany. Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at his office.

“Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today”, she explained. “I don’t understand what it means!”

“Just wait till I get home and I’ll read it,” he replied. Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard which said: “SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT, SAUERKRAUT; TWO WITH WIENERS, ONE WITHOUT!”

This is presented as a public service. Perhaps it will prevent YOU from experiencing the same tragedy that happened to my female cousin.

On June 25, 1999, at a hospital in New York state, doctors removed a seven pound cancer from my cousin’s uterus. Our family was shocked and saddened by the news, to be sure, but not nearly as much as when we found out that it was completely PREVENTABLE.

After the operation, the lead surgeon told our family that had my cousin gotten to the hospital just FIVE DAYS EARLIER, doctors would have removed a seven pound Gemini, instead of a Cancer.

One day a man put his father in a rest home. His father didn’t want to be there but just to please his son he would stay there for a while.

The first morning the old man woke up with a boner and immediately after he woke up a beautiful nurse pulled down his pants and started to give him the best blow job he’d ever had. As soon as she was done she cleaned up and left without saying a word the whole time.

The old man, still in shock, picks up the phone and calls his son. The old man says, “Son! You wouldn’t believe it, I woke up with a boner this morning and a beautiful nurse came in, gave me a blow job, and left withuot saying a word! This place is wonderful! I’ll stay here forever!”

“Well I’m really happy for you dad, I hope you stay there,” says his son.

Later on in the day the old man is walking through the halls with his walker and he falls down. Just then a big burly orderly runs up to him on the ground and fucks him up the ass and leaves him for dead.

The old man gets himself up, walks to his room and calls his son.

“Son!” he says,”You gotta get me out of this horrible place!”

“What’s wrong?” asks his son.

“I was walking the halls with my walker and I fell. Right after that a big orderly ran up to me and fucked me in the ass!” he replied

“Well Dad,” said the son, “Take the good with the bad, you get a blow job in the morning and fucked in the afternoon.”

“Son! You don’t understand! I get a boner once or twice a month, but I fall down ten or twelve times a day!”

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week’s, all-expenses-paid vacation. When he walks into his room, there’s a nude girl lying on the bed.

He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, “Where is your respect? As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you.”

The girl gets up and starts to get dressed.

He covers the mouthpiece of the phone and says, “Where are you going? I’m not angry at YOU!”

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life.”

From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, “Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.”

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh wow, thanks!”

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

Your boss’ favorite lines are “when you get a few minutes”, “in your spare time”, “when you’re freed up”, and “I have an opportunity for you.”

Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.

Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”.

Change is the norm.

Nepotism is encouraged.

The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

You read this entire list and understood every word.

The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three
young mothers and their small children.

“You all have obsessions,” he told them.

To the first one, he said, “Your obsession is eating. Why,
you’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

The second, he said, was obsessed by money. “Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, “Let’s go, Dick.”

A student sits for an English examination.

He solves the first two question.

While solving the third question, he starts to remove his clothes. First his shoes, then his socks, then then his shirt and pants.

Another student sitting behind him was disturbed by his behaviour. He asked him, “Hey! Why are you removing your clothes?”

He replied, “That’s what the third question says.”

The other boy asks, “What’s the third question?”

He answers, “Answer in brief. “