Jokes News

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy, little nose. “Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and couldn’t see.”

“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. To be sure, the snake said, “It was MY fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind, too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”

“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.” So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long, silky ears and a little fluffy tail and a dear, twitchy little nose. “You must be a BUNNY RABBIT!”

And the little blind bunny was so pleased, he jumped with joy. He said, “I can’t thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you? And the snake replied that he didn’t know, and the bunny agreed to examine HIM. So the bunny felt the snake all over. When he was finished, the snake said, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”

The bunny replied, “You’re hard, you’re cold, you’re slimy, and you haven’t got any balls–you must be a lawyer!!!”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”

Q; What’s the difference between a Mountain Goat and a Goldfish?

A: The Goldfish goes Mucking around the Fountain.

What does D.C. mean?

Disappearing Cigars.

There’s something everyone should know: On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.

On March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.

That clears up a lot of things.

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Cherpies. It’s a canarial disease, “That’s UnTweetable”.

A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a bar and said, “Hey, wanna hear a good Polock joke?”
The big guy frowned and answered, “I just happen to be Polish. You see those two big guys at that end of the bar? Polish. That mean lookin’ son-of-a-bitch bartender, he’s Polish too. Do you still want to tell your Polish joke?”
The little guy looked around and said,”Nope.”
“What’s the matter?” asked the big guy. “Are you afraid that we’ll beat you up?”
The little guy looked up at him and said, “No, I just dont’t want to have to explain the punch line four times.”

Little Jimmy was always a troublemaker in school, and he had been kicked out of every public school in town except one. His mother was exasperated with Jimmy, so she sent him to the last public school telling him if he didn’t behave he’d have to go to private school.

Sure enough after one day, the principle called Jimmy’s mother and told her not to bring Jimmy back the next day for school.

Jimmy’s mother decided to go ahead and send Jimmy to the catholic private school, even though they were not religious at all.

The first day home, Jimmy was very courteous and polite to his mother and she couldn’t believe it. The next day, Jimmy was even more polite.

After a week, she finally asked him if the school had tough discipline.

Jimmy said “Tough? Mom, are you kidding? They’ve got one guy up on a cross in there!”

Bill Clinton and Al Gore are being flown by Bill Gates in his private plane. The plane crashes and all three are killed.

The three ascend to heaven and are met by The Lord. God first asks Gore what he believes. Gore says, “I believe humankind has really messed up the bounteous and beautiful planet that You gave to them. They should be taught to care for it better.” God said he liked Gore’s answer and asked him to take the seat on His left side.

God then asks Clinton what he believes. Clinton says, “I believe that people have become too selfish and cruel. They should be taught to share better and should love one another and treat each other more kindly.” God said he liked Clinton’s answer and asked him to take the seat on His right.

God then asks Gates what he believes. Gates says, “I believe you’re in my seat!”