Jokes News

These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli, frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and, in fluent, impeccable Yiddish, asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. “Where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?” they are both thinking.

After they pay the bill, they ask the manager of the store, an old friend also fluent in Yiddish, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?”

The owner looks around and leans in so no one else will overhear him and says….”Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word, “FOOL.”

The next Sunday, he announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. “But this week, for the first time, I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write the letter.”

These two guys, Mryddin and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to have a bit of partner-swapping for the night.

The guys have agreed that if they can pull off the wife swap, when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee mugs the number of times that they did it with each other’s wife. Clever enough!

After several drinks that night, they succeed! Myrddin knows it’s that time of the month for his wife, and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

The next morning, they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Myrddin proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter.

Did you hear about the teenage boy who got into his grandpa’s viagra?

He was addmitted into the hospital with 2nd degree burns.

This guy goes to college and after a few months writes his dad a letter:

Dear dad,
I’m having lots of fun, I have a girlfriend. Could you please send me some money?

Johnny

Well, after a couple of years, he just writes:

No mon’, No fun, Yo son

And his dad replied to this letter as so:
Too bad, So sad, Yo dad!

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

A: The one is white, made of plastic and dangerous to children, in the other one you put your groceries.

Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town’s morals
recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town’s only bar.

George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.

Four guys are driving cross country together — one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York. A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, “What the heck are you doing?”

The man from Idaho says, “We have so many of these darned things in Idaho. I’m sick of looking at them!”

A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Florida asks, “What are you doing that for?”

The man from Iowa replies, “We have so many of these things in Iowa I’m sick of looking at them!”

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”