Jokes News

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s love.”

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.”

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy all smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet, and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”

Your house is so small, when I put my key in the key hole to open the door, I stabbed 3 people.

The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

“Sorry, Madam,” came the reply, “but the house does not make doctor calls.”

Spanish philosopher and poet George Santayana inherited his simple, unostentatious habits from his father. Once he asked the senior Santayana why he always traveled third class. “Because there’s no fourth class,” replied his father.

Did you hear that they have came out with viagra lite?
It’s not that it works any faster. It’s less filling.

why did humpty dumpty push his wife of the wall? so he could see her crack.

/
/

My wife seems to be losing her sense of humor, for no apparent reason. Why, just the other day she got mad when she announced that she was going to the beauty parlor.

All I asked was, “Are you going in for an estimate or for the actual repairs?”