Jokes News

The world’s greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The Charade player agrees.

Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women.

The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds.

The charade player barely glances over them and says, “The William Tell Overture by Rossini.”

The flabbergasted producer says in awe, “You’ve done it! That’s the right answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!” and hands him a check for a million bucks.

Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and asked him how he did it.

“It’s really simple,” says the charade player. “One look at the positions of the seven women, I realized it as the William Tell Overture.”

“But how?” asks the reporter.

“Rump… titty… rump… titty… rump… rump… rump.”

Q: Why don’t the blondes in San Francisco wear mini-skirts?

A: Because their balls would show.

So, Monika says, “I didn’t say that I had money!” ..I said tha I had a wad of Bill’s on me!’ “

“Mary Had a Little Lamb”

Mary had a little sheep,
and with this sheep she went to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

“Old Mother Hubbard”

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone,
But when she bent over Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own.

Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don’t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.). Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Super High Intensity Teaching.
(The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

Not too long ago, everyone in our grade went on a school excusion to the local cow milking station. Everyone was really bored, but then again who can find anything interesting about looking at a whole lot of cows being milked except for one girl who had a really confused look on her face. She came up to us, and said, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Naturally we said no, not expecting anything too funny (we were at a cow milking station!) but she replied seriously to us with a real questioning face, “Are those cows being milked males or females?”

Dear God,

Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

Norma

Dear God,

Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,why don’t you just keep the ones you have now?

Jane

Dear God,

Who draws the lines around the countries?

Nan

Dear God,

I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil

Dear God,

Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce

Dear God,

It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.

Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear God,

Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Bruce

Dear God,

If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.

Denise

Dear God,

I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

Sam

Dear God,

I think about you sometimes, even when I’m not praying.

Elliott

Dear God,

I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.

Nan

Dear God,

Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.

Rob

Dear God,

My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right. They are just kidding, aren’t they?

Marsha

Dear God,

If you watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes.
Mickey

Dear God,

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.

Sincerely, Donna

Dear God,

I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already.

Charles

Dear God,

I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!

Eugene

Dear God,

Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.

Larry

Q. How do you get a Nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an altar boy

Q: Does light have mass?

A: Of course not, it’s not even a Catholic.

An old lady tells her pastor, “I’m a very active old lady. I meet with three men every day.”

To this the pastor exclaims, “Three! Well, who are these lucky men?”

“Well, I wake up and Will Power is there to help me to wake up. During the day, he stays with me, until Arthur Itis comes in. He is very active, and we move from joint to joint. Then, Ben Gay and I live it up in bed for the night.”