Jokes News

It was back in the olden times when you drove carriages not cars.

A little boy and his father lived outside of the town. The father told his son, he had to go to town and sell his pet duck because they needed the money.

So the little boy is walking in the town and he is looking depressed and a woman is standing on the street and notices him. She walks up to him and says, “Why don’t you come with me and I can make you feel better.”

So they have sex and she says, “That will be twenty bucks, please”. He says, “I don’t have it, I’m in town trying to sell my pet duck.” She says, “Since it was good the first time how about we have sex again and I will give you your duck back”. He agrees.

He leaves her house and is just smiling away and doesn’t pay attention to where his duck is going. All of the sudden you hear BOOM! A carriage ran over the duck. A man jumps down and says, “I am sorry, little boy, how much do you want for your duck?” He says, “Twenty bucks, please.” So the man gives him the money.

When he gets home he hands the money to his father and his father says, “how did you get so much money for your duck?” And the boy replies, “A f**k for a duck and duck for a f**k and twenty bucks for a f**ked up duck.”

Two 8-year-old kids, 1 boy and 1 girl, decided to see which was faster in a race. They decided to run a best of three series to see who was faster. In the first race the boy won, and in the second race the boy won.

“Why are boys so much faster than girls?” The girl asked.

“I don’t know, let me ask my dad.” The boy replied.

He went inside to ask his dad and his dad told him. After his dad told him he ran back outside.

“Well, why are boys faster than girls?”

“Because boys have two ball bearings and a gear shifter”

A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it. So, she tells her brunette girlfriend at the salon about her problem, and the brunette suggests she take the car to a mechanic friend of hers, who will turn the odometer back by 200,000 miles. The blonde thinks this is a sound suggestion and does so.

About a month later, the brunette sees her blonde girlfriend in a store and says, “Did you ever sell your car?”

“No,” says the blonde. “Why should I? It’s only got 50,000 miles on it.”

Q: Did you hear about the actress who sat in the bathtub all afternoon?

A: She wanted to be in a soap opera!

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back
road and approaches the blonde driver. “Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?”

The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!”

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

“Oh, we’ll never need counseling. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well, and I act like I’m listening.”

After dinner, dancing, and a moonlit stroll under the moon, a young man and his highly experienced date retire to his apartment for some extra-curricular activities.

The action is hot, and soon both find themselves naked in his bed. Suddenly, the woman starts laughing uncontrollably at the sight of his little penis, and asks her new boyfriend, “Who do you plan on pleasing with that little thing?”

Without missing a beat the young man replies, “Me!”