Jokes News

A man and a woman were just finishing up a first date on the woman’s doorstep. She gives him a kiss and says goodbye.

The man says, “Wait a minute. Aren’t you going to invite me upstairs?”

The woman, obviously surprised at his question, replies, “Oh, my. Well, I just coudn’t invite a man into my room on the first date!”

And the man asks, “Oh? Well how about a last date?”

There was a frog with a really big mouth travelling around one day. He came to a barn and saw a cow.

“HELLO COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?”

The cow replied, “Milk.”

The frog nodded. “OH, IS THAT SO.” He then hopped along to a fence and saw a horse.

“HELLO, HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?”

The horse replied,”Hay.”

The frog nodded, “OH, IS THAT SO.” He then hopped along to the river and he saw a snake.

“HELLO, SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?”

The snake replied, “Frogs with big mouths.”

The frog mumbled, “oh, is that so.”

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A decent map of downtown Belgrade.
* Priceless.

There are some things that money can’t buy…
For the rest, there’s MasterCard, the official card of the 19 member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.

Two guys are sitting in a cafe having dinner when they notice an attractive girl standing at the counter.

One guy looks at his friend and says, “Keep your eyes in your head”.

His friend replies, “It is not my eyes I have to worry about”.

Why did Clinton use a cigar when he had sexual encounters with Lewinsky?
So he would get at least some flavor at the end!

This man walks into a bar and has a drink, then he hears noises coming from a room in the back with a sign above it that says “barrel room”.

He asks the bartender what it’s for and he says that for twenty-five dollars he can have a good dick sucking, for forty he can a great dick suck and for fifty dollars he can have the best sucking of his life.

So the man asks for a good sucking. He goes into the barrel room and gets a good suck. Then he asks for the great sucking and gets a great sucking.

He goes out to the bartender and asks for the best sucking of his life. Then he goes into the barrel room and has such a good sucking his dick is all dried up.

So he goes to the bartender and asks who was behind the barrels the bartender says that the first one was his daughter, the second one was his wife and the third one was his milking machine that sucks and sucks till its dry!!!

Little Johnny went home early from school and started calling his mother and got no answer. He finally went upstairs and saw the bedroom door open a crack. When he peeked in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid, so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said, “Mommy, Mommy, guess what I saw? I saw Daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were …”

His mother said, “Stop right there, Johnny. Wait until supper tonight when the maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, then tell me the story.”

At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she winked and Johnny began again.

“Mommy, when I got home from school early today, I was looking for you and saw Daddy on the bed with the maid. They were doing the same thing that I saw you and Uncle Phil doing at the cottage last summer.”

A bum asks a man for two dollars.

The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”

The bum said, “No.”

The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”

The bum said, “No.”

Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble.”

Tarzan’s New Parts

You must have heard what happened to poor Tarzan. No? Well it seems he was attacked by a tiger. It was awful. The tiger chewed his arm off, scratched one of his eyes out, and bit his penis off.

Some natives came across his near dead body, and rushed him into a hut nearby, where they operated on him.

They sewed the arm of an ape onto him, they replaced his eye with that of an eagle, but there weren’t any spare penises around, so they stitched the trunk of a baby elephant in it’s place.

A couple of weeks later, a native was strolling through the jungle, and ran into Tarzan. “Hey Tarz, what’s up? How do you like your new parts?” the native inquired.

“Oh, arm good.” Tarzan replied, “Long, strong! Eye great! See for miles…
Not too happy with weenie, though. All day long, pick weeds, shove up Tarzan’’s ass!!”