A little boy goes out for Halloween dressed as a pirate.

An old lady says to him, “What a cute pirate! Where are your bucaneers?”

The little boy replies, “Under my bucking hat.”

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. “I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous.”

My Billy used to do the same things,” the older woman replied, “but I broke him of that pesky habit.”

“How?”

“I hid his teeth!”

Why does it take more than one woman with PMS to change a lightbulb?

IT JUST DOES, OK?!?!?!?!?!!?

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret, and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She finally says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.”

The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do six carthwheels on your way to the altar.”