Do you know why most start-up religions fail within the first five years?

They are the weaker sects

A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note.

The note said:
1 lb Italian sausage
2 lbs Pork chops

So the butcher filled the order, made change for the dog, put it all in the bag and handed it back to the dog. The dog grabbed the bag in its mouth and left.

Well, the butcher was pretty amazed, so he decided to follow the dog, since he was closing up shop anyway.

He followed the dog down the street, where he witnessed the dog walk up to a street corner and wait for the walk signal. When the signal came, the dog crossed the street.

The butcher, now thinking that this was the smartest dog he had ever seen, followed.

The dog ended up at a bus stop. Several buses went by, and the dog just sat there. Finally, when the number 32 bus arrived, the dog got on. So did the butcher.

After a while the dog got off the bus, and the butcher followed. The dog walked down a long street until he got to a house. He jumped up to the gate and opened the latch, then walked towards the house. When he got to the front step, he set the bag down and rang the doorbell with his nose.

The butcher, witnessing this, was now convinced that this was the world’s smartest dog. He was flabbergasted!

The dog rang the doorbell a few more times, when finally a man answered. “You stupid, stupid dog!”, he said.

The butcher then piped up, “What do you mean ’stupid’? This dog is a genius!”

“No, he’s an idiot. He forgot his keys again!”

One day a boy was walking home from school when he came across an Indian and an elephant. The Indian noticed the little boy and said, “This elephant tell how old you are.”

And the boy said, “Yeah, right!”

Then the elephant stompped his feet ten times and the boy said, “Yes I am ten years old!”

So he went home and told his mom and the mom went to the Indian with the elephant and the Indian said, “This elephant tell how old you are.”

And the mom said, “There’s no way an elephant can tell how old I am!”

Then the elephant stomped his feet 37 times, and the mother said, “Oh my gosh, that’s right.”

So the boy and the mother went home and told the dad. So the dad came and the Indian said, “This elephant tell how old you are.”

And the dad scowled, “Yeah right, an elephant can’t tell how old I am!”

Then the elephant farted and stomped its feet twice. And the father said, “See I told you, an elephant cannot tell how old I am…”

And the Indian said, “This elephant say you are farty two.”

Fashion model, Twiggy, of the 70s, decided that she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered this upscale department store and approached the saleslady in Lingerie, “Do you have a Size 28AAA-AAA-AAA bra?”

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so Twiggy left the store and proceeded to another department store where she was rebuffed in much the same manner.

After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become quite disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, “Do you have anything for this?”

The lady looked closely at her and replied, “Have you tried Clearasil?”

A really huge, muscular guy with a bad stutter, goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-en’s dep-p-p-partment?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.

Finally, the guy storms off in anger!!!

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?”

The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get k-k-k-killed?!!!”