Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”

The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed “Hysterias and Posteriors.”

The doctors didn’t find it acceptable, so they suggested “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

The town didn’t like that either and countered with “Catatonics and High Colonics.”

Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in:

“Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.”
“Minds and Behinds.”
“Lost Souls and Ass-holes.”
“Analysis and Anal Cysts.”
“Queers and Rears.”
“Nuts and Butts.”
“Freaks and Cheeks.”
“Loons and Moons.”

None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds & Ends.”

A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses.

On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows - It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.”

The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.”

They walk up and knock, and a voice says, “Come in.” When they open the door, they see glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch says, “Are you the people that broke my window?”

“Uh, yeah,” the husband says. “Sorry about that.”

“No, actually I want to thank you. I’m a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You’ve released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes - I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“OK, great!” the husband says. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem - it’s the least I could do. And you, what do you want?” the genie says, looking at the wife.

“I want a house in every country of the world,” she says.

“Consider it done.”

“And what’s your wish, Genie?” the husband asks.

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looks at the wife and says, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess it’s OK with me if it’s OK with you.”

So the genie takes the wife upstairs and ravishes her for two hours.

Afterward, he rolls over, looks at the wife, and says, “How old is your husband, anyway?”

“35. Why?”

“And he still believes in genies?”

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill.”

“Congratulations,” said the teacher “you may go home.”

The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you.” Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, “John F. Kennedy”.

“Very good,” says the teacher, “you may go.”

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, “I wish those girls would just shut the hell up.”

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill Clinton. I’ll see you Monday!”

how do you kill a dumb blonde?

you put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

Three nuns where talking.The first said,”I was cleaning in father’s room the other day and guess what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!”

“What did you do ?” The other nuns replied.

“Of course I threw them into the trash”!

The second nun said, “I can top that.I was in father’s room and found a pack of condoms!”

“Oh my!” gasped the other nuns.”What did you do,” the other nuns replied.

“I poked holes in all of them,” the nun replied.

The third nun fainted!