Jokes News

A man was walking along the beach when he saw a half buried ornate bottle. He picked it up and after examining it closely, removed the decorative stopper.

As expected, a cloud of smoke blew out and a Genie appeared. The Genie informed the man that he was now the Genie’s master and was granted three wishes, but with a rider attached. The Genie proceeded to announce that his previous master was a lawyer and the third wish was for all the world’s lawyers to receive double what subsequent owners wished for.

The man asckowledged this condition and proceeded to state his first wish: “I’d like a villa on the French Riviera.”

“Master, it is as you wish,” the Genie stated, “and all the world’s lawyers have 2 villas on the French Riviera.

“Genie, that’s fine,” said the man, “for my second wish, I’d like $100 million.”

“It is my pleasure to do as you ordered, master,” said the Genie; “All the world’s lawyers now have $200 million each. What is your third wish?”

The man thought about this for some before saying: “Genie, for my last wish, I’d like to donate a kidney.”

At the captain’s table a matronly woman had overimbibed with the liquor that was being dealt out with a lavish hand, and a young officer was detailed to get her back to her stateroom.

He placed his arm about her waist, held her elbow firmly with his other hand, and began to march her down the corridor.

She said, with a faint hiccup, “You’re passionate.”

He said, “Ma’am, I’m just trying to get you to your room.”

She repeated, “You’re passionate.”

“Ma’am,” he said, “I’m a married man and I’m only interested in getting you to your room.”

“But my room is back there. You’re pashin’ it.”

Q:What’s the difference between true love and herpes??

A:Herpes lasts forever.

I noticed some interesting things about Monica Lewinsky:

- Nobody would know about her if it weren’t for Bill
- She sucks
- She blows
- She’s bloated
- She’s the focus of a huge legal battle
- She’ll go down in a heartbeat

Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?

Q: What do you get when you cross a Bulldog with a shitsu?

A: A Bullshit!

1. You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.

2. You get winded playing checkers.

3. You need a fire permit to light all of the birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out.

4. You order Geritol on the rocks.

5. You sink your teeth into a thick steak and they stay there.

6. You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again.

7. You don’t need an alarm clock to get up with the chickens.

8. Your pacemaker opens the garage door whenever a cute gal walks by.

9. The only whistles you get are from the tea kettle.

10. A fortune teller only wants to read your face.

11. You finally get it all together, but can’t remember where you put it.

12. You pray for a good prune juice harvest.

13. Everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

14. You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.

15. Your little black book contains only names ending with M.D.

16. You look forward to a dull evening.

17. You join a health club and never go.

18. You need glasses to find your glasses.

19. You sit in a rockng chair and can’t get going.

20. Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

21. You have too much room in your house, and not enough in your medicine chest.