This woman’s husband dies, and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, “How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke now?”

The widow says, “Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And, of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

The friend says, “$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness! How big WAS it?”

Extending her left hand, the widow says, “Three carats.”

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent, and the three wives stayed in the other. Around 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “WOW! UNBELIEVABLE!”

Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?”

Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife!”

“How come?”

“To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my entire life!”

After a pause, Bill said, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?”

“Because that’s mine you’re holding.”

This Just in:

A truck load of Viagra has just been hijacked off I-95 hours ago.

Area police said they’re on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!

“It was just a simple misunderstanding, Your Honor,” testified Donald, when charged with indecent exposure.

“Explain that statement!” demanded the judge.

“Well, you see, Cathy and I were drinking in a bar, and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman, so I showed her.”

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?

A: Keep the tip!!