Zsa Zsa Gabor once appeared on a television program in which guest celebrities attempted to solve viewers’ conjugal problems. The first question came from a young lady: “I’m breaking my engagement to a very wealthy man who has already given me a sable coat, diamonds, a stove and a Rolls Royce. What should I do?”

“Give back the stove,” advised Zsa Zsa.

(It was Zsa Zsa who once claimed to be a good housekeeper. After each divorce, she kept the house).

A little boy was taking a bath with his mother and looked down and asked, “Mommy, what is that?” She replied, “Oh that is my sponge.”

The next day the mother was in the kitchen washing dishes and the little boy walks in and asks, “Mommy, how come you are not using your sponge?”

“Oh,” she says, “I lost it!”

The boy runs outside to play. A few minutes later, the boy comes running inside and yells, “Mommy Mommy I found your sponge!”

“You did?” she asked

“Yeah Mommy, the neighbor girl is using it to wash dad’s face!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Question: What did George Washington say before crossing the Delaware?

Answer: Get in the boat, men…

One day, there was a woman cooking breakfast and listening to the radio. All of the sudden a voice breaks in and says, “A circus train was going through town when it wrecked and all the animals escaped. If you see one of them, please contact the police department immediately.”

Well, she didn’t think anything about it and went on with her morning.

A little later, she was washing the dishes and looked out the window and there was an elephant in her garden.
Having never seen an elephant before, she was scared to death. She called the police and said, “HELP! There is a big grey thing in my yard.”

The police officer replied, “Well, what is it?”

She said, “I don’t know. I’ve never seen one before.”

The police officer said, “Well what does it look like?”

She said, “It is big and grey, I don’t think it has a face, and it has two tails. And it is using one of them to pull up my cabbages!!!”

The police officer said, “Well what is it doing with them?”

She replied, “I don’t think you would believe me if I told you.”

your mamma so fat every time she turns around it is her birthday.

your mamma so fat she has more chins than china town.

your mamma is so fat she has her own zip code.

your mamma is so fat that when she goes to get her shoes shined she has to take their word.

your mammas so fat that when she goes to the beach she is the only one who gets a tan.