Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”

The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”

“Yes I do!”

“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”

“Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”

“Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”

“Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”

“Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”

“Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”

“Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”

“Well, then I pick up some of the crap that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.”

“Well, what if there ain’t no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”

“Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, you can bet there’s going to be some crap on the bottom of that cage!”

5. “Hey baby let’s play house, you can be the screen door and I will slam you all day”

4. “Is that a mirror in your pants because I can already see myself in them.’

3. “Let’s play army, you be the good guy and I will be the bad guy and you can blow me away.”

2. “How do you like your eggs…Scrambled, Over-Easy or Fertilized.”

1. “What has 20 teeth and holds back a Tiger? …My Zipper!!!”

Q. What do you call two dumb blonds in a freezer?

A. Frosted flakes

A man was digging in his garden, when he came across a rare lamp. He was rubbing it, when a genie pops out and tells him, “You will be granted three wishes for letting me out of my lamp. But I warn you, whatever you wish for, your enemy will get double.”

So it just happens that his worst enemy is his next-door neighbor. So the man thinks and says, “I wish I had a ten-story mansion!” So he gets his mansion immediately, but a minute later, he finds out that his neighbor got a twenty-story mansion!

So the man starts thinking again and he says, “I wish I had a million bucks!” Immediately, a million dollars fall from above. But when he looked at his next-door neighbor’s lawn, he saw two million dollars piled on his front yard.

So this man starts thinking real hard and finally, he yells, “I wish I could lose a testicle!”

Question: Do you know why men fart more then women?

Answer: Women don’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.