Young man Jokes - page 27

a guy walks in a bar

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay…

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Movie listing

Here’s the actual TV listing for the movie, “The Wizard of Oz” in a Marin County, California paper: “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.”

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A warning from the judge

The Old Witness A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You…

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2 Can Play It That Way

Mr. Harris had a new secretary who was such a pretty young thing and so eager to please that he decided to “work late” and to take her to dinner tonight. So he called up his wife to tell her he would be late and she replied, “No problem.” So Mr. Harris treated his secretary to dinner at a fancy restaurant where they had one drink too many. After dinner with her, it was obvious that Mr. Harris would get…

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Embarrassed

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked “If I understand, you’re saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar? “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?” After a stunned…

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Yours for Life

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life.” From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, “Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.”

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Obsessions

The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he told them. To the first one, he said, “Your obsession is eating. Why, you’ve even named your daughter Candy.” The second, he said, was obsessed by money. “Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.” At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, “Let’s go, Dick.”

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The Funny Dog

A young tough robbed an elderly gentleman walking in his neighborhood. A week later he sees the gentleman walking again but this time he has a small dog that looks like a dachshund. The young tough decides to rob him again but decides to get a ferocious dog to take along. A few days later he sees the man walking with his dog and takes his dog to rob him. As he approaches, the elderly gentleman’s dog grabs the ferocious…

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Hay Fever

A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn’t have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that…

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Cold Hands

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up.” After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well put them…

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