Ya Jokes - page 10

Shoot for the Moon

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr.Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was…

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Scribbling for a Living

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece…

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Quarterback Blitz

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitor’s favor, the home quarterback finally blew his top. “How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you…

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Come join the party Father Celestain

(this joke is written and told by a true COON-ASS so if you can spoke like a true CAJUN you guna like dis one real good. (DONT WORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING!!!) ONE TIME, FATHER THIBODEAUX WAS JUST ABOUT TO GIVE HIS TALK AT HIS CHURCH. HIS CHURCH IS USUALLY FULL, HOWEVER, DIS TIME, THERE WAS ONLY TWO OLD WOMEN IN THE PEWS. FATHER THIBODEAUX TOLD THE TWO OLD LADIES TO HOLD ON, HE WAS COMING RIGHT BACK. FATHER THIBODEAUX WENT…

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Johnny, the mover

Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME; then tells his buddy Roy to get his red wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Johnny’s front yard, waiting for business. Kathy, across the street, is not to be outdone: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL; tells Nellie to get her red wagon and both sit in Kathy’s yard. Johnny’s pissed…how dare that GIRL? Then, a flash…and Johnny hauls Roy across the street & says, “Let’s get…

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Texas Spread

A Texan visiting Vermont asked a farmer how large an acreage he cultivated. The Vermonter said, meditatively, “Oh, it’s quite large. My farm extends for about a hundred yards in that direction and for nearly a hundred-twenty yards in that. And how large an acreage do you handle?” The Texan could not help but smile. “Back home, ” he said, “I have a ranch with my house at one end. I can get into my car at the house early…

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Computer Viruses

COMPUTER VIRUSES Woody Allen Virus Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. Tonya Harding Virus Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons. Paul Revere Virus Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\. Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus Instantly turns 1 K of disk space into 1 Meg. Ollie North Virus Plays a patriotic WAV while it shreds your files. Joey Buttafuoco Virus Only attacks minor files. Lorena Bobbit Virus Your hard disc…

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Irish Quiz Answers

Some classic answers from Irish radio Just-a-minute quiz. Actual answers given to the bould Larry Gogan (Irish Radio Presenter). 1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword 2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the Capital of France? F 4) Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital…

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Courtroom quotes :)

Unbelievable, but these are from a book called “Disorder in the Court.” These are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. ————————————————— Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ————————————————— Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your…

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Over 50 Ways to get rid of Blind Dates

1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…

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Read JokeOver 50 Ways to get rid of Blind Dates