Wonderful time Jokes - page 4

A Load Off My Mind

This elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. “Well, Father,” began the old man. “At the beginning of World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.” “That’s…

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What’s Yours is Ours

At a small parish in rural New England, there lived a priest and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.” The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property…

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A Jewish Mother’s Day Joke

Three Jewish immigrant brothers named Moshe, Aaron and Daniel, had a dinner reunion to celebrate their fifteen years stay in America. Since Mother’s Day was just around the corner, they were discussing the gifts they would be giving their Momma back home in Israel. Moshe the eldest brother said, “I had a mansion built in Jerusalem and Momma would be moving into it on Mother’s Day.” Aaron the middle brother said, “I bought a special edition Mercedes Benz for Momma…

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Tech Support for Wives

Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball…

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Lab Rabbit

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great,” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all…

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Bill’s Rash

While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something like a red rash around his you know what. Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!” He makes an appointment to see his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day. “Doc,” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, you know. What is it and how do I get rid of it?” The doctor says, “Well, I’m not exactly sure what it is, but…

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Sage Comments from Smart Women

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…. and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton- “You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” -Erica Jong- “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that…

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The Bunny and the Snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind…

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Island girl

A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there. “This is wonderful! Now we’ll be able to have…

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