Wit Jokes - page 279

Wonder Golf

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How is the singing career going?” Stevie Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf?” Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.” Stevie wonder says, “I always find that why my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for awhile and not think about it. Then, the next time I play,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeWonder Golf

Crashing

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation. While walking, the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCrashing

Poisoned Watermelons

Every morning the local farmer noticed someone had been in his watermelon patch during the night. Unable to stay up and catch them and unwilling to tolerate the constant loss, he put up a sign that said: WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH A STRONG POISON The next morning he went out to inspect his watermelon patch and found that his sign had been altered. It now said: WARNING! TWO OF THESE WATERMELONS HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePoisoned Watermelons

Sour Confession

Harry confessed to the priest, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, I was with 7 different women last night.” The priest said, “Take seven lemons and eat them.” Harry said, “Will that cleanse me of my sins?” “No,” the priest replied. “But it will get that silly grin off of your face.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSour Confession

(Not so) happily ever after…

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.” POOF Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. “And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” POOF She turns into…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke(Not so) happily ever after…

She was so blonde that….

She Was So Blond… …she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”. …she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. …she got stabbed in a shoot-out. …she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DONT WALK”. …she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. …she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. …she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. …she tried…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeShe was so blonde that….

Biggest I’ve Ever Had!

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent, and the three wives stayed in the other. Around 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “WOW! UNBELIEVABLE!” Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?” Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife!” “How come?” “To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my entire life!” After a pause, Bill said, “Do…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBiggest I’ve Ever Had!

The bat

This one bat returned from a long hard day’s work of collecting blood. Upon his return to the bat cave, he proceeded to hang from his perch whereupon a group of his friends noticed the blood from around his mouth. They approached him and continually badgered him to tell the others where he got that blood. Although he was exhausted, he finally agreed to show the other bats where he got the blood under the condition that the other bats…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe bat

The Elephant Escaped!

One day, there was a woman cooking breakfast and listening to the radio. All of the sudden a voice breaks in and says, “A circus train was going through town when it wrecked and all the animals escaped. If you see one of them, please contact the police department immediately.” Well, she didn’t think anything about it and went on with her morning. A little later, she was washing the dishes and looked out the window and there was an…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Elephant Escaped!

Horseback Riding

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHorseback Riding