Wit Jokes - page 275

Psychiatry and Proctology

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed “Hysterias and Posteriors.” The doctors didn’t find it acceptable, so they suggested “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” The town didn’t like that either and countered with “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in: “Manic-depressives…

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Genie-ous

A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows – It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses!…

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Jesus and Multiculturalism

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN His first name was Jesus He was bilingual He was always being harassed by the authorities THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He called everybody “brother” He liked Gospel He couldn’t get a fair trial THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH He went into his father’s business He lived at home until he was 33 He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT…

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Your Sign & Light bulbs

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help…

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My Comp Class

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything.…

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Amazing Parrot

Three nuns usually take a shortcut through a narrow alley on their way from the church to the convent. Along the way, they always pass by a house with a porch. On the porch is a bird cage wherein a parrot is perched on a swing. As the nuns pass by, the parrot says, “White, white, black.” When they reach the convent, one nun notices that the three colors enumerated by the parrot match the colors of the nuns’ underpants.…

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Don’t go out of town Homer!

Two old men were sitting in their wheelchairs in the hallway of the nursing home. The nurse walks by and asks Homer what he is doing. “I am flying to Florida,” replied Homer. A little while later, she walks back by and asks him if he is already there. He told her he was almost there. She goes and checks on the other patients. After she finished with the other patients, she walked back down the hallway. Fred, the other…

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Suspicious Delivery

When there an unexpected knock on my door, I first opened the peephole and asked, “Who’s there?” “Parcel Post, with a package for the Drexhages.” “Where’s the package?” I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up. “Could I see some ID?” I said, still not convinced. “Lady,” he replied, wearily, “if I wanted to break into your house, I’d probably just use these.” And he pulled out the keys I had left in the front door.

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It’s a Living

Old Mrs. Moskowitz, who was ailing, was persuaded to visit a gynecologist for the first time in her life. The efficient young doctor soothed her, helped her onto the table, and began a thorough gynecological examination. Mrs. Moskowitz, looking down at him with deep disapproval, said, “Young man, does your mother know how you make a living?”

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