Wit Jokes - page 14

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple goes back to their original honeymoon hotel for a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary. After all the family festivities they retire to the original room they stayed in on their honeymoon night 50 years prior. The woman is done with her bathroom antics and her husband takes her place for his turn to get ready. The elderly man takes quite awhile in the bathroom, as is his norm, and his wife spends the time figuring out the…

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Read Joke50th Wedding Anniversary

Already acting like a lawyer

Two plumbers, Bob and Phil, went bar-hopping every week together, and every week like clockwork, Bob would go home with a woman while Phil went home alone. One week Phil had had enough and asked Bob for his secret to picking up women. “That’s easy,” said Bob. “When you’re out on the dance floor and she leans in and asks you what you do for a living, don’t tell her you’re a plumber. Tell her you’re a lawyer.” Later Phil…

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Read JokeAlready acting like a lawyer

Two Nuns

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour? SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants. SL: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us. SM: Oh, no! At this…

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Who started this?

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world’s first professional. The Doctor said, “It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world’s first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?” “No,” said the rabbi. “It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.” “Wait,” said the engineer. “The world was…

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The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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Complicated Order

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so overcooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it’s impossible to spread;…

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A thought for today….

If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on…

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Read JokeA thought for today….

Change, please?

I remember the first time I entered a topless restaurant, back in the 1970s, in Colorado. I went in the place out of curiosity, and was fascinated by the beautiful young women walking around, waiting on the customers, and wearing no tops. I was awestruck! A pretty blonde with bright green eyes walked over to me and smiled. “Would you like something?” she purred. Unable to take my eyes off her chest, but needing exact change for the cigarette machine,…

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Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…

Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly… President Clinton has ordered our forces to engage an entrenched, politically motivated enemy, backed by the Russians, on their home ground, in a foreign civil war, in difficult terrain, with limited military objectives, bombing restrictions, boundary and operational restrictions, queasy allies, far across the ocean, with uncertain goals, without prior consultation with Congress, the potential for escalation, while limiting the forces at his disposal, and the majority of Americans opposed…

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Read JokeNow let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…