Walks Jokes - page 6

wanna get a job

A man walks into an agents office and says “I want to be on TV.” The agent replies, “Well, what do you do?” The Man says, “Well, I can’t sing or dance, but I can do this…” He pulls down his pants and starts to whistle ‘Dixie’ out of his Ass. “THAT’S FANTASTIC!” the agent says, “Hang on a minute,” he picks up the phone and calls one of his agent friends, “Listen to this” he says to his friend…

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WELFARE OFFICE

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up tp the counter and says, “Hi..You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer andbodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the…

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Running a Red Light

A police officer in his car sees a driver out in the open turn on a red light. The cop drives up to the car right away, pulls it over and walks to the driver, seeing that it was a foreigner. “That was a red light over there.” She replied, “I know, so?” “Well, in this country, you can’t turn on a red light.” “But the sign said no right turns on red so I made a left.”

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The Giant Panda Joke

A giant panda walks into a restaurant, sits down at a table, and orders a salad from his waiter. The panda eats his salad and then takes out a gun and starts shooting all the other customers. When he’s finished, the waiter asks him, “What are you doing shooting all my other customers??” The panda looks over at him and tells him to look up “giant panda” in the dictionary. The panda then walks out of the restaurant. Confused, the…

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A Lesson In Art Appreciation

A down-on-his-luck artist visits the art gallery where all of his paintings are on display. He sees the art dealer standing in front of the art gallery and accosts the latter, “So how did my paintings do today?” The art dealer smiles and says, “Well, I got good news and bad news.” “Well, give me the good news first. I haven’t had such luck these days,” sighs the struggling artist. “This morning, a gentleman walks in and asks me if…

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All that is….

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says,…

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The Amazing Watch

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to this beautiful girl and starts looking at his watch. The girl notices this, and asks him if his date is late. “No,” he replies. “I’ve just got this new state of the art watch, and I was just about to test it.” “What does it do?” she asks. “It uses alpha waves, to telepathically talk to me,” he answers. “What’s it telling you now?” she asks. “Well, it says you’re…

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Alabama State Trooper

Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?” The trooper says, “You’re in Alabama, son. When I pull you over, you’ll have your license and registration ready.” The driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around…

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Blonde Poll

This blonde is walking through the mall one day, when a man walks up to her and says, “Good afternoon, ma’am. Would you like to take a poll?” The blonde answers, “Sure. Does the flag come with it?”

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Hillbilly Cop

One day a hillbilly walks into a police station because he wants to get a job as a deputy, which he’s wanted to be his whole life. So he goes over to the sheriff’s desk and says to the sheriff,”I’m hear to be a deputy.” The sheriff laughs and says, “Well lets see if you’re qualified, son.” The sheriff asks him a question and the hillbilly gives him an answer. The sheriff says, “Close enough.” The sheriff then asks him,…

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