Vest Jokes - page 6

Monks in the train station

A group of novitiates had been in monastery surroundings for a year and a half were allowed a trip to visit an associate brotherhood in the city of Pittsburg. They went to the train station, but upon arrival were nervous by the prospect of approaching the very busty ticket clerk wearing a lowcut blouse. After exchanging uneasy glances, the bravest of the bunch stepped forward and said: “I’d like five tits to Pittsburg.” Realizing what he had said, he blushed…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeMonks in the train station

Frozen Cows

Farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with…

(6)Loading...

Read JokeFrozen Cows

3 Envelopes Of Advice

Mr. Johnson had been chosen by the board of a large software company as CEO. On the first day he took office as CEO, Mr. Johnson received three numbered envelopes and a note from the former CEO. In the note, the former CEO wished his successor good luck in running the company. Furthermore, the former CEO explained that he left these three envelopes containing advice. Each envelope should only be opened in the event of a crisis the company would…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke3 Envelopes Of Advice

Flied Lice

A Greek gentleman, eating in a Chinese restaurant, ordered fried rice, and the waiter, smiling and courteous, said, “Ah, yes, flied lice.” This struck the diner as excruciatingly funny and he ordered fried rice whenever he came in just to hear the waiter say, “flied lice”—-at which he would laugh heartily. He took to bringing in friends so that they might her this, too, and little by little the waiter realized he was a source of fun and mockery. Well,…

(5)Loading...

Read JokeFlied Lice

The Honest Lawyer (FICTION)

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?” “Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Honest Lawyer (FICTION)

Horror Scopes

ARIES You tend to be a headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding. TAURUS Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss. GEMINI Your star sign denotes an air of duality in…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeHorror Scopes

Thoughts from Left Field…..

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone says, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a “broker”? Are you “broker” after doing business with him? Why do croutons come in airtight packages?…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThoughts from Left Field…..

Mary and Jack

Mary and Jack are girlfriend and boyfriend. One day they go one a walk. As they are walking, Mary stops and says,” Look there’s a nickel in the road. Jack says,”No, it’s a dime.” Mary insists that it is a nickel, so Jack goes out to investigate. Just as he steps into the road, a semi comes along and hits Jack, instantly killing him. Mary just laughs and laughs because she knew it was really a dime.

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeMary and Jack

Teaching Math

Math Education ============ Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M”…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTeaching Math

Chicken of the Living Dead?

Kay Martin, a secretary to a New Zealand MP, got the fright of her life a few weeks ago. According to the Auckland Sunday Star, she and a friend were chatting over a drink when they heard a chicken squawking. The bird sounded in some distress, so they went outside to investigate, thinking perhaps that it had escaped from one of the neighbors. But, there were no chickens anywhere. Then Martin realized with horror that the sound was coming from…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeChicken of the Living Dead?