Vest Jokes - page 4

Pulling Hair

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the Mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.” A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…”Now she knows.”

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Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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3 mice

Once there were 3 mice and they were talking about who is the toughest and who is the bravest. The first mouse said, “Yesterday I fell into a bowl of rat poison. I swam through it and it didn’t even phase me a bit.” The second mouse said, “The other day right in front of my hole was the biggest mouse trap I had ever seen. With the biggest cheese I’d ever seen. I took the cheese out and let…

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Best Choice!

A young man had seriously dated three girls and was finally faced with the dilemma of which to marry. As a test he gave each of them one thousand dollars. The first girl went for a complete hair and face makeover, new clothes, and new shoes. She returned to show off her new look saying, “I want to be at my most beautiful for you. Why? Because I love you dear!” The second girl returned with new hockey and golf…

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FAQs About Health Care

Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result…

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Summer Love for Bill & Monica

Sing the song below to the tune of “Summer Lovin’” from the musical “Grease.” Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast” Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast” Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me” Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees” Bill: “Summer days sucking away but, oh oh, those summer nights” Investigation Committee: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah UH! Tell us more, tell us more” Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best” Investigation Committee: “Tell us more,…

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That’s a Cow?

On his first date with a woman who wasn’t overly intelligent, Ogden decided to take her to the county fair. While walking around and looking at all the festivities, they came to the area where they auction livestock. Ogen’s date walked up to one of the pens and asked, “Ogden, why doesn’t this cow have horns?” “Well,” replied Ogden, ” sometimes cows don’t get horns until they are 7 or 8 years old. And sometimes, cows don’t get horns until…

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If It Weren’t For The Movies

Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies: Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one…

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Saint Patrick

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.” “Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.” Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!” “You just don’t know how to set him off,…

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