Urge Jokes - page 8

Happy Meal

In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the “Children’s Sermon,” the minister was talking about Communion and what it was all about. “The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a ‘joyful feast.’ What does that mean? Well, ‘joyful’ means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a ‘joyful feast’ is a happy meal. And what are the three things we need for a happy meal?” My son blurted out “Hamburger, fries and a soft drink?”

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Desperately seeking technical support

Desperately seeking technical support: I’m currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can’t find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK. Girlfriend also seems to…

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Tee time talk

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop. “I operated on Mr. Lee the other day,” said the surgeon. “What for?” asked his colleague. “About $6,000.” “What did he have?” “About $6,000.”

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Whoops!

One day, a person got into a terrible car accident and was admitted to a Hospital. Later, His friends arrived and they were told that their friend has to get his leg amputated. After a while, a surgeon walks into the waiting room and tells the friends that he’s got good news and bad news. The friends ask for the bad news to get it over with. The Surgeon tells them that they accidently amputated the wrong leg. “And what’s…

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Stormy Knight

Sir Lancelot was out riding one night and it was storming, rain, wind and hail. His horse slipped and fell and broke his leg. Sir Lancelot had to leave him there. On foot, he came to an Inn. He asked the Innkeeper if he had a horse because his mission for the king was very important. The Innkeeper said, “I’m sorry but the only animal I have is a Great Dane dog.” Sir Lancelot looked at the dog and after…

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Late Doctor’s Appointment

Mrs. Jones called the doctor’s office and was met with this response by the secretary. “This is Dr. Whitman’s office. What would you like to talk about?” Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied, sarcastically, “I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why would I call a doctor if I didn’t feel sick? I’m very sick. I need to see the doctor.” “Fine,” replied the secretary, “I can make an appointment for you. Let…

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Only in America……..

Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster that an ambulance… Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink… Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke… Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters… Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the…

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a man who did the stupidest thing

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mensroom door, it was “OCCUPIED”. The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”. Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding…

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letter of recommendation

If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: -For the chronically absent: A man like him is hard to find. It seemed her career was just taking off. -For the office drunk: I feel his real talent is wasted here. We generally found him loaded with work to do. Every hour with him was a happy hour. -For an employee with no ambition: He could not care less about…

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