Two women Jokes - page 3

Bob, Bob, Bob….

Two women (one blonde, one brunette) go out for coffee and a chat. The brunette has 3 kids; the blonde has 30 kids. Brunette says: “How do you keep track of all those kids?” Blonde says: “Oh, it’s easy. All of them are named Bob” Brunette says: “How does that work?” Blonde says: “Well, when I want them to eat I just say, ‘Bob dinner’ and they all eat, when I say ‘Bob bed,’ they all go to bed.” Brunette…

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Identical Twins

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. “OK,” the judge said, “Tell the court why you want a divorce.” “Well, your honor,” Dan started, “Every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake.” “Surely there must…

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Husband Tracking

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their lives at home when the subject of flighty husbands came up. “It’s unbelievable,” one woman says. “I can never figure out where he goes at night.” “I know exactly what you mean,” says the other woman. “One second he’s in the house, and the next he’s gone without a trace.” “Well,” says a woman eavesdropping nearby. “I always know where my husband is.” “How do you manage that?” the other…

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A Wife and a Mistress

Feeling a bit paranoid, a rich businessman decided to test the fidelity of his wife and his mistress by putting them both on the same cruise ship vacation in the Caribbean. He booked two adjacent rooms for the two women and then begged off from accompanying them because of business concerns. Once the cruise trip ended, he would question his wife and his mistress separately on each other’s behavior during the cruise without letting on about their relationship with him.…

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G.R.I.T.S

G.R.I.T.S Girls Raised in the South Two women, a Southern Belle and a Northerner, are sitting beside each other on a plane. The Belle turns to the other and drawls, “Where are y’all from?” The other women replies, “I’m from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions!” A long silence ensued. Finally, the Belle asked, “Where are y’all from, Bitch?

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Pick-Up Mishap

Two guys are sitting at a table in a bar checking out the ladies. They are talking about how the second guy can never seem to pick up any women, so the first guy decides to show him how. “Watch,” he says. I’ll go pick up some women, you watch and learn. “Ok,” says the second guy. The first guy slides up next to a pretty young blonde woman at the bar. He says, “Tickle your ass with a feather?”…

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Reunion Time

Two women met for the first time since graduating from High School. One asked the other, “Have you managed to live a well-planned life?” “Oh yes!” said her friend. “First I married a millionaire, then an actor. My third marriage was to a preacher and now I’m married to an undertaker.” “What do all those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?” “One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go.”

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Eight Times Married

Two women were attending the funeral of a friend who had been married eight times. One sighed and said, “They’re together at last.” “Which husband are you talking about?” the other asked. “None of her husbands. I mean her legs.”

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Playing Through

Two men, being best friends, decided to play a round of golf. About halfway through the course, they discovered that they were constantly having to wait for the two women who were playing the hole ahead of them. Finally, the first man says to the second, “I’ll go and ask if we can play through.” His friend agrees, and off he goes. Suddenly, he stops short, pauses, turns and hurries back. “What’s wrong?” inquires his friend. “I can’t ask if…

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The Funeral Procession

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were about 200 women walking in a single file. The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity any longer. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog…

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