Two men Jokes - page 41

The young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way. None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut…

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I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Don’t worry about the world ending today….It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing…

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Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it. It would be much scarier to get…

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Dear Jenny, Ann Landers wouldn’t print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and explain. It’s about my son, Billy. He’s always been a good, normal ten-year-old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire,…

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You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…

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One evening, Charlie was feeling pretty light-headed from a couple of boilermakers when he rang the bell of the most expensive cat-house in town. “How ya doin’”, he said when the madam answered the door. “I want your mos’ adventurous girl.” The madam ushered him inside and sat him down. “You have to be a little more specific”, she said. “What do you mean by ‘adventurous’?” “Well when I’ve had a couple a lil drinks, sometimes I have a tough…

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Who makes more money, a prostitute or a drug dealer? A prostitute, they can clean their crack and sell it again ******************************** What do bungee jumping and a prostitute have in common? They’re both cheap, they last only a few seconds, and if the rubber band breaks, you’re dead. ******************************** How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? The joystick is wet. ******************************** What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet…

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