Turkey Jokes - page 3

Helping Him Quit

This coworker was truly concerned about her husband’s smoking habit. She had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She said she had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had watched on TV called “Cold Turkey.” After about a week, I asked her how it was going. “Well, not too bad,” she said, getting up off the pillow she had in her chair and…

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2001 Holiday Schedule

The Office of Personnel Management for the United States government today announced the 2001 holiday schedule for federal employees. There will be two fewer holidays in Washington, D.C., next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been cancelled. The witch is moving to New York, and she’s taking the turkey with her.

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Business Lessons

Lesson Number One: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit noticed the crow, and asked, “Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered, “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral Of The Story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,…

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Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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yo mama’s so fat & poor

Yo mama is so fat she went outside and jumped up and got stuck. Yo mama is so poor, you and your family had a block of ice shaped like a turkey for thankgiving, talking bout “who wants to carve the ice ?” I make your mama feel so low that she could play raquetball against the curb.

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Nasty Parrot

One day, a old lady decides to buy a parrot to keep her company. As soon as she brings it home…she sets it up in the corner in a nice cage, sits down, and starts to read a book. Pretty soon she hears…. “What the hell are you reading?” Astounded that her parrot talked like that, she told her parrot… “If I hear that out of you one more time, you will be punished.” A few minutes later, she hears……

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Thanksgiving Day Recipe

Hoow To Cook A Turkey Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5:Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take three more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take four whisks of drinkey Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer…

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The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

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