Traffic Jokes - page 3

Best Emergency Room Stories

Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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Read JokeBest Emergency Room Stories

Things that make you go hmmm

Stopped at traffic light, the gray beard biker stared wide-eyed at a punk rocker crossing the street in front of him. The kid was a helluva sight. The punker had green, orange, yellow, and blue hair, elaborately waxed up into tall spikes sprouting from the top of his head. Seeing the old biker staring at him, the punk rocker stopped and said, “Hey, whatcha lookin’ at, man? Didn’t you ever do anythin’ excitin’ in your life when you were younger?”…

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Read JokeThings that make you go hmmm

Emergency flashers

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trenchcoats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs. When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man…

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Read JokeEmergency flashers

Golf Threesome

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center…

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Read JokeGolf Threesome

BLIND MAN’S REVENGE

A blind man was standing on a corner waiting for the traffic signal to change so he could cross the street. A stray dog comes walking up to him, hoisted his leg and urinates on the blind man’s pant leg. The blind man then reaches into a paper sack and brings out a cookie and holds it down to the dog. Another pedestrian who was watching this says to the blind man, “Good lord, you’re not going to reward that…

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Read JokeBLIND MAN’S REVENGE

Lookin’ for a Little

Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, “So . . . out looking for a little, huh?” She smiled sweetly and said, “No, I had six years of THAT with you. Now, I’m out looking for a LOT!”

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Read JokeLookin’ for a Little

Lawyer’s donation

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?” The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First,…

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Read JokeLawyer’s donation

Doctor’s Office

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other…

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Read JokeDoctor’s Office

Keep them handy!

A woman’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so she carefully eases it over onto the shoulder, steps out of the car, and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle, where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this highway occurs. It’s not very long before a…

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Read JokeKeep them handy!

The Kid and the Cop

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then issues the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before…

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Read JokeThe Kid and the Cop