Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. They keep telling us to get in touch…
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I recently had the honour of interviewing the Prime Minister of Britain. Here is than interview PM: Could you please untie me? (coughs loudly) Me: Perhaps later. What exactly is wrong with you? PM: I think I’ve caught the flu from the president. Me: So you’ve been kissing him again? PM: No! Me: So you’ve stopped kissing him then? PM: No! Er I mean yes, I mean-… Me: (interrupting) Is your relationship serious? PM: No, I didn’t mean that? Me:…
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* Horn broken. Watch for finger. * Keep honking…I’m reloading. * Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot. * All generalizations are false. * Cover me. I’m changing lanes. * I brake for no apparent reason. * Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control. * I’m not as think as you drunk I am. * Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal. * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of…
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I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Don’t worry about the world ending today….It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing…
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“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with, outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through…
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“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…. and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton- “You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” -Erica Jong- “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that…
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…
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The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County GA: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal,…
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It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn’t. Santa was really angry. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a…
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In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on…
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