Toes Jokes - page 2

A lady goes to the store to get some lettuce but they don’t have any. She goes to the manager and jumps all over him about how she is sure he has some in the back of the store. The manager listens patiently then says, “Lady take the c out of carrots and what do you have?” She replies, “arrots.” He says “Now take the p out of potatoes and what do you have?” She says, “otatoes.” “Now,” he says,…

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A man wins the lottery and decides to buy a new house, so he goes to the estate agent and says to the agent, “I wanna buy the biggest most expensive house you’ve got!” So the agent says, “Ahh, I’ve been saving something special for an occasion like this.” The agent takes the man up to the house and shows him around. The man likes what he sees and is about to buy the house, when the agent says, “There’s…

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Two female potatoes standing on the corner … Which is the prostitute? The one shouting: “I da ho”

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Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden. However, no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor’s garden, which had lovely, bright red tomatores, she went over one day and ask him his secret. “It’s really quite simple,” the old man explained. “Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes, and they turn red with embarrassment.” Desperate…

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1 – My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is. 2 – The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. 3 – I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. 4 – I have to exercise early in the morning before my…

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I stopped at a fast-food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered Fat-Free French Fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer, which was dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order. “Just a minute!” I said. “Those aren’t fat-free.” “Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes . . . the fat is…

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A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, “You say you’ve been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?” The wife replies, “It’s my husband — he’s driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!” “How does he drive you crazy?” “For 20 years,” she says, “he’s been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he’s always looking at the…

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