Ting Jokes - page 190

A really huge, muscular guy with a bad stutter, goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-en’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. Finally, the guy storms off in anger!!! The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?” The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do…

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A Cowboy enters a restaurant in Dallas and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her — knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send…

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A guy and his beautiful girlfriend go into to this bar. The guy sits down and the beautiful girl tells her boyfriend that she is going to the bar to order her favorite mixed drink. She walks up to the bar to order the drink and along comes this drunk guy slurring, “Damn, baby, you are so fine, I would love to suck on those tits of yours!” She replies, “How dare you talk to me that way, my boyfriend…

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Two old men were sitting in their wheelchairs in the hallway of the nursing home. The nurse walks by and asks Homer what he is doing. “I am flying to Florida,” replied Homer. A little while later, she walks back by and asks him if he is already there. He told her he was almost there. She goes and checks on the other patients. After she finished with the other patients, she walked back down the hallway. Fred, the other…

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It was the night before the big hunt, and all the old hunting dogs always went out for a night on the town. One of the old hunting dogs decided it was time for his pup to join him. The old dog told his pup, “Since this is your first night out on the town, you stay ten steps back and just observe.” Shortly after reaching town the old dog turned down a dark alley, with the pup following close…

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Two guys are eating lunch in a leper colony. (Leper – really nasty looking with skin disorders) The guy on the left looks at the guy on his right, barfs, and runs out of the room. The guy on the right is left in bewilderment. He looks around and says “Well damn, I must be getting pretty damn ugly.” The lady sitting across from him looks over and says “Don’t worry, it’s not you at all, it was the guy…

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ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…

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There’s this wise old bull standing at the top of a hill. Next to him stands an eager young bull. All of a sudden the young bull watching down the hill notices a group of cows. Without doubting a second he shouts: “Hey-hey Dad, let’s run down and get one of the cows!”. The old bull smiles at his son and answers: “Hey-hey Son. I’v got a better idea. Let’s run down and get them all”.

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