Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result…
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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, n: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future. cashtration, n: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject…
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One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at her church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem — my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hat pin with you. I’ll be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in…
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Not-So-Secret Male Handbook 1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency…
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How do you confuse a blonde boy? You put him in a circular room and tell him to pee in the corner. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies? Because the sign said, “Seventeen and under not admitted.” What do you call a blonde holding a dollar over her head All you can eat under a buck A dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off of a roof.…
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Around the time the Clinton impeachment hearings were under way, I was taking a political science class at a community college. One of our assignments was to prepare a speech on anything related to the presidency. I’ll never forget when a Japanese student went to the front of the class to deliver his speech: “My speech today is on the Presidential erection process.” The whole class was cracking up throughout the whole speech because of phrases like “the president’s wife…
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The stunning blonde coed was stunned herself when her biology professor asked her, “What part of the human anatomy enlarges to about ten times its normal size during periods of emotion or excitement?” ” I… I refuse to answer that question!” she stammered as she shyly avoided looking at her classmates sitting nearby. One of them was called upon next, and he correctly answered, “The pupil of the eye.” “Miss Rogers,” Said the professor, “Your refusal to answer my question…
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Sick and tired of hearing all those nasty blonde jokes and of how all blondes are perceived to be dumb, this blonde is determined to show her husband that blondes are really smart. While her husband is off to work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 pm…
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A police officer pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign. He walked up to the car door and said, “Sir, May I see your driver’s license and registration please?” The driver said, “What’s the problem, officer?” “Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.” “Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me!” “Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and…
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