The Constipated Accountant
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget so he worked it out with a pencil.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ted Jokes - page 5
Protected employment
Boss, to four of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.” Black Employee: “I’m a protected minority.” Female Employee: “And I’m a woman.” Oldest Employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.” …To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”
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Assorted Q&A
#1 Q: What’s the difference between L.A. and New york? A: The Jerry Springer scouts don’t come to New York. #2 Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo? A: Fill the tank with gas.
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The Painted Porch
Being a bit down on his luck, a man goes door-to-door looking for work. Finally at one very nice looking house a compassionate woman offers the man work painting the porch out back. She figures it will take about two hours and offers the man $20 to do the job. He agrees. She gives him a gallon of green paint and a brush and he goes behind the house to work. Barely a half hour later he knocks on the…
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Who REALLY Invented the Internet
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says… And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to…
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Frustrated old man!
There was an old man sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out when a young jogger came by and asked him what was the matter. The old man says, “I’m a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or not …(sob)” The young jogger says, “Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed…
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The Old Dilapidated Boat
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife had died suddenly in his absence. When he…
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Rejected from Comic Relief
California winery Franzia has a product out called “Franzia’s Wine-In-A-Box.” It’s a great product for the homeless, because they can get drunk, and then have a place to sleep it off. Most homeless people eat dinner by scrounging through dumpsters. Like most Americans, they’re on a junk-food diet. You’d think that homeless people could get jobs at the supermarket pushing carts around, but they have no experience pushing them around empty…..you give a homeless guy a row of shopping carts…
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At Least It Tasted Better Than This Foot In My Mouth!
British playwright William Douglas Homes and his wife, Rachel, were invited to dinner by friends. Since he had to attend a matinee in Oxford, he and is wife arrived for dinner separately. The group dined, chatted, and then the Homes’ rose to leave around eleven. “Thank you, Rachel, for a lovely dinner,” said the host. “What do you mean?” Homes inquired. “I brought dinner over from home,” his wife explained, “as their cook was off.” “In that case,” said Homes,…
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Polluted Drinking Fountain
A drunk man was casually taking a leak into a drinking fountain in the park. A police officer came up to him and yelled, franctially, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? THERE IS A PUBLIC TOILET 20 FEET FROM HERE!” The drunk, amazed, yells back, “WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE HERE, A HOSE?!”
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