T park Jokes - page 15

Top 10 signs you’ve joined a cheap HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 9. Directions to your doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.” 8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 7. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter. 6. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is “an apple a day.” 5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.…

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Making the News

A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon to meet a deadline. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of…

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Little Kids

There was a little boy and a little girl playing in a sandbox. The little boy asks the little girl if she would show him her private. She said no, but the little boy said that if she showed him hers he would show her his. The little girl agreed lifted up her dress, and the little boy looked and was pleased. Then the little boy pulled down his pants and the little girl looked. When the little boy went…

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When it rains, it pours …

A man was sitting alone at the bar looking so sad and forlorn. He had a glass of beer in front of him but he did not touch the glass for more than half an hour. Just then a burly, mean biker approached the sad man, grabbed the glass and drank all the content. As the biker wiped off the beer suds from his mouth, the man began to cry. The biker laughed and said, “Hey, man, I was just…

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Overcoming Loneliness

At one time Dorothy Parker had a small, dingy cubbyhole of an office in the Metropolitan Opera House building in New York. As no one ever came to see her, she became depressed and lonely. When the signwriter came to paint her name on the office door, she persuaded him to write instead the word “GENTLEMEN.”

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Thoughts to ponder

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…

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Read JokeThoughts to ponder

Right Club for the Job

Two long-time golfing buddies got to the course one day and decided that this day they would play the ball where it lies…”No matter what!!” On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his drive, and it ended up on the concrete cart path. As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief, his friend said, “Wait a minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies, remember? No matter what!” The first player tried to…

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Revenge on the Town Gossip

Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town’s morals recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town’s only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.

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Read JokeRevenge on the Town Gossip