T park Jokes - page 11

Dirty Johnny and the Priest

Dirty Johnny is walking through the park one day and he sees a Priest. Noticing the way he is dressed, Johnny says, “Hey mister, what’s with the backwards collar?” The Priest says, “Well my son, I’m a Father.” Dirty Johnny says, “Well, my pop’s got three kids and he don’t wear a collar like that.” The Priest says, “No, you don’t understand. I’m the father of THOUSANDS.” Dirty Johnny says, “Well, if you’re the father of THOUSANDS maybe you should…

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Math in Everyday Life

Three men were sitting on a park bench, a biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician. They saw two people walking on the opposite side of the street and into an apartment building. Later on, the two people walked out, but with a third person with them. This puzzled the three men. “The first two must have reproduced,” explained the biologist. “That’s not right,” objected the physicist, “there was already another person in the building.” “You’re both wrong!” exclaimed the mathematician.…

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Men are like…..

For you ladies (and men so you’re prepared), a little MEN ARE LIKE humor: MEN ARE LIKE… Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years. MEN ARE LIKE… Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest. MEN ARE LIKE… Blenders, you need one, but you’re not quite sure why. MEN ARE LIKE… Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right to your hips. MEN ARE…

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A Thinking Problem

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone–“to relax,” I told myself–but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but…

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ACCIDENT

Fred was a tired, overworked traveling salesman who’d been making sales calls all day and hadn’t even stopped for lunch. At about four o’clock he pulled into the crowded parking lot of a large plaza, thinking he could get a bite in the food court. He circled around several times looking for a parking space when he finally spied one close to the entrance. He was carefully backing in when a young guy driving a Porche, who obviously saw Fred,…

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What do you call…

What do you call a man hanging on a wall? Art What do you call a woman with only one leg? Eileen What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves? Russell What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? Sparky

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He and She at the ATM

HE: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive off SHE: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Search purse for gum wrapper with PIN written on it 9. Enter PIN 10.Study instruction…

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Matzo

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jew passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this shit?

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15 things not to say when you’re pulled over

15 Things NOT to Say When Youare Pulled Over 15. No, YOU assume the position. 14. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! 13. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket? 12. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog. 11. No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph. 10. Back…

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