Sweat Jokes - page 4

Top ten things that sound dirty–office,golf,law

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren’t: 10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! 5. HMMMMMMMM….I think it’s out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. 3. It’s an entry-level position. 2. When do you think…

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Read JokeTop ten things that sound dirty–office,golf,law

Saving Money

Abe’s son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face. “Dad, you’ll be so proud of me,” he said, “I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!” “Oy Vey!” said Abe, “You could have run behind a taxi and saved $20.00!”

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Anything for Golf

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation takes place. First Guy: “You guys have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing today. I had to promise my wife that I’d build her a new deck for the pool.” Second Guy: “You’re lucky. I had to promise my wife that I’d paint every room in the house next weekend.” Third Guy: “You guys have it easy. I had to…

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my wife is so cold !

.My wife is so cold……. … The mailman slipped on the front walkway. ..I turned off the air conditioner.! ..I leave the ice cream out ! ..Birds fly south ! ..Wolves put on sweaters! ..My backyard was declared the next site of the winter games! ..My attorney was hospitalized with frost-bite !! :)…sdl

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Three out of Four

Three of the tennis foursome head for the showers after the match. The fourth one just gets into his car and goes home. This happens every week–the same three shower, number four, doesn’t. Finally, one guy asks him why he doesn’t shower after playing tennis; he is, after all, just as hot and sweaty as the other three. “To tell you the truth,” he says, “I’m kind of shy about being naked in front of other guys. To be perfectly…

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Chicagoans

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.” The man says, “No problem. I’m from Chicago.” So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he’s doing. To the devil’s surprise, the man is doing just…

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The Altar Boy

A new priest does confession for the first time and is extremely nervous. Father Murphy, the seasoned veteran, assures him it’s no problem, there’s a chart on the wall listing the sins and number of Hail Mary’s. First sinner comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned”. New priest ask what he’s done and he says, “I lusted in my heart”. New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Three Hail Mary’s.” Next sinner comes in and…

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One of us

An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.” One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man?s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes, you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic,…

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Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up

Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You…

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The Old Couple goes to the Doc

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat. His wife say, “Where are you going?” He replies, “I’m going to the doctor.” She says, “Why, are you sick?” “No” he responds, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.” So his wife gets up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he says, “Where are you going?” She says, “I’m going to the doctor too!” “Why?” he…

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Read JokeThe Old Couple goes to the Doc