Suggestion Jokes - page 3

Marie Gets Pregnant

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were talking one afternoon, and Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, “You know, I tink I’m ready for a lil vacation. But, dis year I wants to do sumting different. De last few year, I took your suggestion ’bout where to go. Tree year ago you say I should go to Hawaii, an’ I did an’ Marie got pregnant. And las year you tol me to go to Tahiti. Sho ‘nough, Marie got pregnant again.” So Thibodeaux asks Boudreaux, “What…

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Proposal Agreement

I, the undersigned, a male proposing marriage agree that? Section 1. In the likely event of my not giving you an orgasm, will keep on going, despite my lack of stamina and size until you have been satisfied. Section 1.01. I?ll behave myself in a mature manner and fight the temptation to scream ?Who?s your daddy? and grunt like a sea lion. Section 1.02. I will never complain about too much foreplay. Section 2. I fully understand that a man?s…

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Consumer Labels

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…

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Why sell it?

A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it. So, she tells her brunette girlfriend at the salon about her problem, and the brunette suggests she take the car to a mechanic friend of hers, who will turn the odometer back by 200,000 miles. The blonde thinks this is a sound suggestion and does so. About a month later, the brunette sees her blonde girlfriend in a store and…

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Dear Abby’s Better Ones

Dear Abby: I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his! Dear Abby: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think…

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Psychiatry and Proctology

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed “Hysterias and Posteriors.” The doctors didn’t find it acceptable, so they suggested “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” The town didn’t like that either and countered with “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in: “Manic-depressives…

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‘bozo’ index

Just in case we need any additional proof that the “bozo index” is at all time highs (and going higher), consider these for-real label instructions on consumer goods: ************************************* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that…

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