Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.” “We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear…
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Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…
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If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with. But… If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or you gave birth to it.
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The young bride’s mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. “Never let your husband see you in the nude,” she advised. “You should always wear something.” “Yes, mother,” replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, “Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?” “Not that I know of,” she answered. “Why?” “Well, we’ve been married…
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…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…
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A penguin is driving in the middle of a desert and his car breaks down. Luckily he sees a gas station a little further down the road, so he coasts on in and tells the mechanic something is wrong with his car. Then he goes inside the gas station while the mechanic determines what’s wrong and buys an ice cream. The penguin walks out of the gas station and the mechanic says, “It looks like you blew a seal!” and…
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A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. So, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently, “But you’ll have to think…
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A man walked into a bar and asked for a drink. He drank the drink and pulled something out of his pocket. He put the thing back into his pocket and asked for another drink. The bartender gave the man a drink. He drank it then pulled the thing out of his pocket and looked at it again. He put the thing back in his pocket and asked for another drink. The bartender said, “Not until you tell me what…
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Fred’s donkey had been acting weird for a few days, so he decided to take his donkey to the vet. After a few tests the vet said the donkey had eaten something poisonous. The vet suggested that the donkey would need to have a depository put into his rectum. Fred, not wanting to show his stupidity, said ok. Not having any idea on what a rectum was, he thought that once he saw this depository, he could figure it out.…
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A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…
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