Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then the man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. By this time, everyone had left the bar and driven off. Finally, he started his engine and…
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A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…
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One morning a young 3 year old boy sat at the kitchen table in front of a bowl of cereal, thinking. When his mother noticed his thoughtful expression she thought it better not to disturb him. Later that afternoon the boy was still sitting there with a very concentrated expression. His mother was then curious but then decided just to leave him there. That night at dinner, he was still sitting at the table, chin in hand, with great thought…
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled.…
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Matt And Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… For making friends: DO – Show off your talents. DON’T – Shove a harmonica up your butt and play the national anthem. DO – Tell them about your interest in arts and film. DON’T – Tell them about your vast child porn collection. DO – Share your ideas. DON’T – Share your plan to pull down their pants in public and set their face on fire. DO – Help them with their problems.…
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Rich, Eddie and Michael decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal. “You can pay by the inch.” When Rich comes back out his friends ask, “How much did she charge you?” “$75 dollars,” said Rich with a wink and a smile. Eddie goes in and returns with a fee of $85, and several “high fives.” The first two were proud of their prowess. Michael goes in and returns. “How much…
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A guy goes into a locker room where he see’s this man with a tatoo of a hundred dollar bill on his dick. Curiosity over came him, so he approched the guy, after he finished drying off. “Excuse me sir, forgive me but I have to ask why you have a tatoo of a hundred dollar bill on your dick?”. The man turned and smiled at his question, and answered, “Because my wife can blow a hundred bucks like that!”.
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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.…
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On day a man was walking on the beach when he came upon a brass lamp. “I wonder if this is a magic lamp,” he said to himself and began to rub the lamp furiously. A cloud of smoke rose out and a Genie was standing before him. “Three Wishes are yours,” the Genie said “but whatever you wish for your mother-in-law gets double” The man thought long and hard. The last thing he wanted to do was give his…
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50 Ways to Kill Bin Ladin (As sung by “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” with apologies to Paul Simon) The problem is all inside his head it seems to me; The answer is easy if you strike him methodically. We need to get him in our struggle to be free; There must be 50 ways to get Bin Ladin. Bush said ?It?s really not my habit to use nukes. Except now, I?m really pissed off at those Islamic nut-head…
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