Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One day a woman was walking along the beach thinking of the sad state of her life, for her husband had just told her that he wanted a divorce. As she was walking, she tripped over something in the sand. The woman picked the object up, revealing a lamp. The woman rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared before her. “I will grant you three wishes,” the genie said, “but whatever you wish for, your husband will get double.” The…
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A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property,…
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A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over. “It’s only fair to warn you, Linda,” he said. “I’m a golf nut. I live…eat…sleep…and breathe golf.” “Well,…” Linda said, “Since you’re being honest, so will I. You see, I’m a hooker.” “I see,” he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said…”It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”
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A Boston preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great enthusiasm he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” With even greater enthusiasm he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the pornography in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”…
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Doctor Goldstein and his wife are having dinner at an upscale restaurant when an attractive young blonde walks by, smiles at the doctor, and says “Hi, Sammy.” “Who the hell is THAT?” asks Sammy’s wife. “That’s my mistress,” Dr. Goldstein replies. “You have a MISTRESS? How long has this been going on?” asks his wife. “About five years,” says the doctor. “Five years? I’ll see a lawyer tomorrow and start a divorce. I’ll ruin you.” “Wait just a minute, honey.…
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A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I?ll be ruined.” “It?s in the judge?s hands now,” said the lawyer. “Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” “Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn?t even smile at the…
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Hamburger: $1 Cheeseburger: $2 Handjob: $10 He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile. “I was wondering,” whispers the man. ” Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs suductively. “I am.” “Well, wash your hands,” he says. I want a fucking cheeseburger.”
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Farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with…
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A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F”. He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.” The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly “T-G-I-F” another time. The man smiled back to her…
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One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…
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