Second time Jokes - page 14

Call Guinness

Three midgets were sitting at a tavern one afternoon. One of the midgets, sat quietly,staring at his hands for the longest time. Before long his friend asked him,” Hey, what the hell are you doing?” “Well”, he exclaimed, “I was just noticing that I have the smallest hands of anyone I have ever seen!” ” Oh yeah”, said his partner, “you think that’s bad you should see my feet” Just then the third midget returned from the restroom and questioned,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCall Guinness

3 Coded Messages for Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith has three daughters who are all getting married within the same month. She tells each one of her daughters to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper advertisements as a “code” to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day a telegram arrives with a single…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke3 Coded Messages for Mrs. Smith

Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDriving in China

Tailspin.. .

Cindy Crawford, Ivana Trump, and Whoopi Goldberg are on a plane. The Announcement system clicks to life and the voice of the captain rings through the cabin… “Ladies and gentilemen, I am afaraid the plane has just had a major mechanical failure, and is going to crash. There are only enough parachutes for the crew and myself, and we have already used them – – This is a recording.” Everyone on the plane begins to panic! People are yelling and…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTailspin.. .

Give Clear Directions

About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW beetle had died because I had left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time, so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand getting the car started. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric, oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push me fast enough to start it. I pointed out that…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGive Clear Directions

He loved to lick me

This guy and girl just got married so they decided to be together. She said, “You must be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” He replies, “How the hell can you still be a virgin if you were married three times before me?” She says, “Well my first husband was a gynocologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. And well, my…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHe loved to lick me

A Tennessean Moves to New York

January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Tennessean Moves to New York

Devil on the Bridge

A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide. He has lost his job, his home, and his car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem is. The man replies that he has nothing to live for…everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells the man that he is the devil, and he would grant three wishes in return for a blow job under the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDevil on the Bridge

Screw Chainletters

Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeScrew Chainletters

Bathroom Policy

To: All Employees In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines, resulting in loss of employee time and production. Effective January 5, 1986, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent and precise method of accounting for each employee’s restroom time, as well as ensuring equal time for each employee. Under this policy, a Restroom Trip Bank (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBathroom Policy