Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help…
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A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. “I’m afraid not, Sir,” the clerk told him, apologetically, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.” Skeptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted 50 cents, stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine…
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Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastor’s son, replied, “That’s nothin’. My dad owns hell.” “No way!” another boy scoffed. “How can a man own hell?” “Sure he can,” the preacher’s son said. “My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night.”
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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.” Monday, the two guys were in…
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A man was walking along the beach when he saw a half buried ornate bottle. He picked it up and after examining it closely, removed the decorative stopper. As expected, a cloud of smoke blew out and a Genie appeared. The Genie informed the man that he was now the Genie’s master and was granted three wishes, but with a rider attached. The Genie proceeded to announce that his previous master was a lawyer and the third wish was for…
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I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in…
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These two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in the morning. They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when along comes a policeman. The first drunk pipes up, “Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has left yet.” To which the policeman replies “Of course it has. It’s 4:00 in the morning.” The second drunk then weighs in and says, “Sorry, sir, but…
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There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first. The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To…
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An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a great bike?” asked the first. The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.’” The second engineer nodded approvingly. “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t…
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A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are three shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture, its title says, “Got Milk.” The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled, “Forgot Milk.” The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled, “Not Milk.”
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